Being pregnant is a strange, lonely and communal experience. Because of my pregnant belly, I’ve spotted more pregnant bellies. It seems like everyone is having babies – it’s not true but that’s the perspective of a pregnant lady. Most of my days has been about being pregnant and getting ready for the baby, especially in the third trimester. Most of my interactions with family and friends are around baby and my health. It is sweet that people care about me. Or do they care more about the baby? Either way, people showed that they care.
I started walking like a penguin, waddling from one place to the next. Some people think it is cute. I feel less cute. The third trimester is challenging physically. The growing belly makes bending over harder. I can’t sit or lie down comfortably. Sleeping is getting harder and harder with the baby getting stronger each week. She likes to move at night and she’s got new moves. The uterus is a powerful muscle that pushes the other organs aside and takes as much space as it needs. My ribs hurt because of how little space they have. I stretch to relieve some of the pain. Mentally, I am ready to have the baby come out. But she needs a little bit more time inside. She will be considered full term in nine days.
I don’t want to forget how I feel now: extremely tired, uncomfortable and crowded inside. I know how powerful hormones are. After baby arrives, I will not remember how I feel now. I need to write it down. I am sure I will love the baby and feel all of the physical discomfort is worth it. But pregnancy feels awful. I am not a fan. Technology needs to focus on developing machines that will bake the baby on the outside to free the uterus. That would be revolutionary and Nobel prize worthy. I need to talk to scientists.
Before then, I still need to carry a tiny human inside of me for a few more weeks. As I am typing, I need to move my chair further back because my belly has been pushing against the desk for too long. Throughout my pregnancy, people around me have been way more excited than I am about the arrival of baby. I am more curious. Who is this little person? We got a 3D scan a few weeks back where we saw parts of her face. I find it weird. That’s my most consistent reaction to all of the scans we have done. It is so weird. Someone I don’t know or recognize is inside of me and soon, she will take over a significant portion of my brain. Weird.
The positive thing about being in the third trimester is that I discovered I need to watch my blood sugar closely. I have gestational diabetes. Hormones are making me more insulin resistant. I also have genetic disadvantages. Because of the diagnose, I have to cut down or change how I eat carbs, which will be beneficial for my health in the long run. The beginning few weeks were stressful. I was monitoring how my blood sugar reacted to different combination of food. Having a big spike means that I am injecting a big dose of growth hormone into the baby (I want a tiny and healthy baby!). Thinking about food and blood sugar all the time can be stressful too. I ended up asking for medicine to help me manage my blood sugar. I will keep monitoring my blood sugar and change how I eat long term for my own health.
All in all, being pregnant is a physically awful but spiritually fruitful experience. I have become more resilient towards different stressors in life and better at focusing on what I can control. I still find plenty of reasons to worry but my worries feel less real or urgent compared to my day-to-day life. That’s a great thing. One day at a time is a cliche that I found difficult to practice in my 20s. Now, I am doing it without any agony. I am not thinking about the meaning of my life. It is a big relief! That’s too big of a question to hang over any regular person’s head all of the time. I can simply be and live my life – and it is pretty good!
I am sure I will have feelings about delivering the baby. I look forward to having precious lung space back! Until then, hope everyone has a peaceful and healthy Autumn.