Hi friends,
How’s the start of your July? The 2nd half of the year has started. Summer is in full swing: birds, flowers, longer days, shades, bug sprays, sun screen, sandals… I will stop here.How’s your emotional temperature? Still in winter? Not a problem. You are not alone. How’s your health? Any small behavioral changes that could help you? I bet you know. Most importantly, how’s your heart? I am all about your heart if you haven’t noticed.
I realized today that I only write to you when I have to. I have a funny inner mechanism that works on its own time and answers to no one. It dings me when it is time to go. And here I am.
Some writers write everyday. I am not one of them. I am not sure if you are like me, if so, let yourself be who you are. No two people are the same. You are better off spending your effort in other fruitful areas. With that said, I find it helpful to create a general habit of creating daily.When I am not writing, I am doodling or creating music. When I am vertical, I try my best to carve out space and/or time to create. Five minutes are all I need on most days. I have a low energy baseline to start with and I try to spend it wisely.
I am getting out of my own way and I am inviting you to join me for the fun of it.
I was feeling low and frozen for the past seven days. I wanted to be creative and productive and energetic. Who doesn’t? Vitality! Health! Creativity! But I was mostly horizontal.I had to cancel plans and disappoint people. And that is okay. It is one part of the symphony called being alive.
Chronic illness humbles me and forces me to dump perfectionism and people-pleasing. All I can do is try my best to show up and communicate honestly with people in my life. What I gain is deeper and more satisfying relationships. I have more internal room to forgive myself and others.
I enjoy the benefit of having a better relationship with myself, hence with others. And you’d think I’d be closer to happiness and contentment. I have to say, not so. Happiness is a grand ask. It makes my depression larger. To survive, I’ve chosen to give up pursuing happiness. I am focusing on tangible small daily joy instead. It is often different everyday, which is a fun little game to play with myself.
You see. Life is full, without my effort to be perfect and making other people like me.
For a longtime, with a fervent hope, I wish to be rid of depression so that I can be a constant inspiration for bright shiny joy. I love my pure and slightly noble intention. I am an inspiration for joy and resilience because of my invisible black dog. I am forced to look closer for joy and savor them!
(I am practically in heaven when cats cuddle with me.)
I am grateful. Not all the time, but right now. I am. Thank you for being here with me.
I have been sharing my doodles more often on Instagram. If you are curious and want to take a peek there, tell me what you think. I am working ever so slowly on converging my creative efforts into one place. You will be the first to know.
Something for you to noodle on before I write to you next time:
- How are you training your heart? Like our mind and our body, our heart needs training too.
Until next time,
Xiaoyu
P.S. Thank you to those who choose to love us.
