Summer 2026 is in full swing. Taylor Swift just got married and the World Cup is captivating fans all over. I am quietly getting larger, so is my baby. My home scale started automatically assigning my husband’s weight data to my profile. The machine is confused and doesn’t understand the pregnant body.Pregnancy feels like the most embodied and the most out of body experience I have ever had. I am in it and I am it. Bizarre and magical.
Changes are inevitable. We say that a lot. We live through the changes, often out of necessity, without much awareness of what’s happening inside of ourselves. We get caught up in work, in dealing with day-to-day tasks of survival and care taking. We forget to slow down and to look up. And all of a sudden, we are in the second half of the year. Time passes. I am sure the early years of parenting a new born will feel like a blur.
It often takes me a while to get on board with reality. Being married and having a kid was so far from my life’s plan two summers ago. I wanted to travel the world! I wanted nothing to do with taking care of a crying infant or changing poopy diapers. Now, a tiny person is inside of my belly kicking, yawning and getting ready to join the mystery of Life. I don’t know how to feel about this seismic change. I only know how much I have already changed: coffee can no longer be black; food cravings are less strong; my brain and body is solely focused on giving my baby the best possible chance of a healthy life inside and outside of the uterus. (By the way, my uterus is now the size of a soccer ball!) Mother instincts are already kicking in. I have never been so disciplined with my diet or exercise.
Ever since Covid, I am no longer able to go at the pace of what I considered as “normal” – the type A, driven and result focused lifestyle. I can’t be go, go, go. I need rest. My body needs rest. Without considering maybe this is what I have needed for a long time, I was trying so hard to get back at the faster pace of life. I wanted to catch up with my old type A self, with my type A friends, with an expired identity. Effort to hold onto something that’s no longer here or no longer working for me is exhausting. My hope for myself as a mother is to cultivate the habit of living with life’s changes with less futile resistance. I am not the same person I was two years ago. Let alone a decade ago. If I look at the changes closely, they are poetic and beautiful. I am at peace. Very soon, my life will no longer be just mine. It will have a deeper meaning. I will be tied to a person’s life forever. My mom insisted that she is as wise and as strong of a person because of me. I am grateful that I am joining the cycle of life in an unexpected, blessed and mysterious way. I look forward to learning and growing with my baby girl.
July will be my last month of my second trimester. I am feeling okay so far. My energy is stable. I am mobile enough to get around without too much tailbone or ligament pain. We had planned a baby moon in early June. But right after our city hall wedding, we got sick with a nasty cold virus. It took us the entire month of June to recover. I coughed so much that I lost my voice. We canceled our trip and rested at home instead. I am finally feeling better. It is not fun being sick while pregnant. I am hoping to use the month of July to get a few things ready for our wedding celebration next year. Baby will take up all of me after she’s born. I hope she will be a healthy and happy baby. I hope I don’t forget to take care of myself after her arrival.
Occasionally, in sleepless nights, I would think about my professional life – a new career. I am still not certain what that will look like. I only know it is not what I am doing right now. Sometimes, I find my stubbornness charming and admirable. Sometimes, frustrating. I wish I could have picked one thing and started trying right away. But that’s not me. I am not sure what I am waiting for. Something in me couldn’t be rushed. It puzzles me. Perhaps, it is God. I hope it is God. It is nice to have something/someone much wiser in your corner looking after you. I hope we all find our own way to join this mysterious living energy called Life. It is inevitable after all.
Take good care.