I don’t have kids and I am thinking about it. If you are like me, you like to be prepared. Does life prepare you to be a good parent? I think so, if you are paying attention.
Listening to my friends who are great mothers talking about motherhood, I am excited and nervous. Will I have the energy and time to do things? Basic things like taking care of my health and the house. It is easy to care for others. Their needs seem urgent. I will give my cats fresh water first thing in the morning, even before visiting the toilet myself. I am sure my cats can wait a few minutes to have fresh water. Loving a small animal that depends on you is a strange and joyful thing. I love them so much. They are cute and funny beyond human measures. If I love my cats this much, imagine how much I will love my kids. Lucky imaginary kids! I need to pee.
On top of my neurosis, I am easily exhausted. Living with another human and two cats is challenging enough. Can I handle a house filled with kids, plus the existing three mammals? I want quiet kids. Do those exist? I was at a baseball game last week, there was a 7-year-old girl screaming while running up and down the aisle because her team was winning. Her enthusiasm was overwhelming. I had to wear noise canceling ear buds. Nonetheless, I was impressed by her passion for baseball!
My easy way out is to not have kids. I can enjoy hobbies. Take naps. Have nice things. Travel. Only if life is easy and predictable. My problem is that I want little girls. They are the greatest thing. Tiny toes and tiny hands and tiny dresses. I want them! Hormones are powerful.
I gave myself a deadline two years ago. I will have until 2026 to decide. 2026 seemed just far enough at the time. A reasonable duration for me to make up my mind. Surprise! My mom’s mom passed away this week. Within seconds of learning her passing, my decision was made. I need to and I want to my mom to have grandkids. I can give her something new to look forward to in life. I understand that it is never wise to have kids for someone else. Nor can you replace one’s mother with a new born baby. It was just a moment of clarity and my honest reaction. I want to be a mother. I want my mom to be a grandma. Life has gotten to a point where I know this is a clear step forward.
Before I worry myself to death about whether I could have a baby or not, whether my baby will be okay or not, I’d like to say a few words about my mom’s mom. I was not a close observer of her emotional and spiritual world. I just knew she was wise and reasonable. She never forced me to do anything that I didn’t want to just because. She liked reading and enjoyed spending time with her friends. She was a great mother of four. All of her kids are healthy, kind, and functioning adults. She built a wonderful home for them. They were well loved and had a good example of how to do so. I am grateful that she gave birth to my mom and raised her to be such a great human. I am the direct beneficiary of her love and care. I wish my grandma had more time to see me getting married and having kids.
Time waits for no one. I’d like to make the most of it with people I love. I hope you do the same.