Hi friends,
I am sharing three short pieces with you today. May you find something in them to aid your journey forward.
Love,
Xiaoyu
I. Now
By Xiaoyu Zheng
I long to live and I long to die.
The primal urge to escape what’s right in front me drives me mad.
Mad- moving through minutes like a headless monkey.
What do you think? Ain’t no sleep for the wicked.
No. No. No.
Where is the soft animal Mary Oliver speaks of?
I can’t feel her pulse. Did I eat her with my 8th croissants?
The senseless minute is too slow of a knife.
Impossible – somehow, I am still here. I have so many questions. Fuck.
II. Sleep On It
by Xiaoyu Zheng
I wrote emphatically
Trying to tell her we need to go.
Leap, I ask her to leap
With me, for the weight of being
Too light on one day,
Too heavy on another.
I don’t know how long I can go on.
Knowing what I am asking,
She didn’t say no.
The Leap, if not now, when?
I need her to bet on us.
I need me to bet on us.
Go. Go. Go.
III. Mirror by Xiaoyu Zheng
I watch her talking about how she doesn’t mind explaining subtle and not so subtle cultural differences to her white boyfriend. I hear her confidence and her vibrant laughter – a pleasant byproduct that comes with love: so bright that it overshadows the dull, unfulfilling conversations she had with his friends yesterday. She is careful. She acts hot and cold. He is on his best behavior since he is a great guy and he is trying to convince her. This push and pull feels and looks like making taffy.
Life is absurd: you are constantly looking in the mirror and finding someone else, while looking at someone else and finding yourself.
