Hi friends,
How’s reality treating you? What’s been swirling in you? Anything important you’ve been postponing (take the 1st step, will you)? Anything you are looking forward to? Do you want to share with me?
I always have so much swirling in me and I want to tell you all about it, but I am also holding the fact that I want my writing to be of help, to bring you relief and hope, to make you think about how you can find your own way back to yourself. Plus I made up this story in my head where if I write a longer post, people won’t have the patience to read it. That could be true. We’ve been programmed to be impatient and distracted. I suspect there will still be people who enjoy my words and want to hear more about what I have to say. Are you out there? Would you let me know if you are?
Not so ironically, I’ve been thinking about focus and priorities. I’ve made the choice to write, which means a systematic setup that would increase my chance of writing. Much of the system trains me to be comfortable with writing anywhere and writing consistently and reserving emotional energy elsewhere and give most of it to my writing. I struggle with all of it and I am still trying my best. Maybe that will be my writing slogan – Trying Her Best since 2020. And my very best is enough.
Many good writers shared about their habit of noting down things constantly. It helps them to remember interesting thoughts and what they are experiencing in the moment. I am still playing around with this habit. I have not been consistent with note taking; when I do, I seem to be more focused on the description of the moment than being in the moment. I want to be soaked in the moment. While being present is one of my biggest strengths, being forgetful is also one of human’s biggest strengths. What does one do in this scenario besides trying it out and see how it goes?
In all focus fashion, I have intentionally set up my site to be simple and straightforward with “words” being in the center stage. Some friends have asked me why not share more of myself with my readers. What they are saying is that they see and know that I have more to offer – we all do: we are multifaceted and conflicting by nature. Right now, I have not found the best solution to share more of other creative endeavors I partake in. Part of it is self doubt, part of it is self protection, part of it is making sure I am funneling my energy in writing. There are many things that I want to do with my life and I have to choose – that’s the reality of being a human. So, how could you focus better? Not only do we have to learn to say no to the things that we don’t want in our lives, we also need to learn to say no to things that we want. That’s beauty of finitude. Once you commit, a sense of freedom follows.
I am not trying to open up the debate around the benefits of being a specialist vs a generalist. The choices belong to the individual. I have a deep desire to refine my writing and master this craft to my best ability – this requires dedication and focus. It is a personal choice. It is made with the understanding of myself and my reality. We are gifted with the opportunity to make our own decisions since we have the agency to choose as humans. This is what many feminists have been working towards and fighting for throughout history: equal rights and privilege to choose what we want out of life as a human being. It is a long fight ahead and we will never give up.
I had a fruitful conversation with my person today. She was working through some relationship challenges around a group of friends. We both had an aha moment where we realized in relationships where we feel comfortable and safe to show up as our authentic selves, we usually walk away from the interaction feeling uplifted, charged and fed; we generally look forward to more future interaction with the person; we generally want to show up for each other and turn towards each other with open communication; we generally feel a sense of hope for the future even during challenging times; we generally feel safe enough to play and take risks with each other. It is a gift when we have that level of human connection: it is healing and it is the best antidote to the inevitable truth of our shared human destiny.
So, writing and being a good friend – that ought to keep me busy and fulfilled for as long as I breathe.
That’s all for today. I will see you next week. Be good to yourself and write to me.
Xiaoyu
