Hi there,
August came and went. What did I do? I ate myriad of food. I went to a touristy place in Xi’an. I am reading again. Footage of me walking around the city has been captured on camera. What did you do?
Surveillance is everywhere. In the bank, at the supermarket, at the convenience store, in the hospital, even within the taxis. I don’t like it. I’ve heard that crime rate is extremely low but this way of solving problems has crossed the line. How would you improve a giant developing country with 14+ billion people and limited resources and tensions from the coasts and a not so robust economy? Tough job.
I think about what makes a civilized society often. Is everyone in the society safely housed with access to affordable quality educational resources, healthcare and transportation? No. The answer is no in China. The answer is no in America. Do you currently live in a country where the answer is Yes? What’s that like? Would you share your experience with me?
I think about how low the birth rate growth is all over. The less human, the less human activities, the better off for the environment, the worse off for human civilization and the human economy. What will the economy look like when there is no consumers left? Maybe much smarter people have solutions that involve cloning humans, genetic modifications, or making human intelligence live forever in robots.
I think about such problems. I can’t help it. Where does your mind go when you let it wander?
I am considering freezing my eggs, in case I change my mind later about having children. I want a loving family for my nonexistent children. I wonder what type of mother I would be and what parts of myself would change. And being a mother seems like a cool identity right this second. Growing eyeballs and tiny feet and a squishy little human being seems rad. Maybe this is hormone talking. But who knows? I might be a fabulous mother, just like my mom.
It is fun to contemplating the possibilities of new life and the end of the world at once.Life and death is next to each other. I am no longer surprised. Getting older teaches you things. Everyday, I wake up and feel grateful about the wonderful and horrifying fact that I am one step closer to where I came from.
I look at my parents and I am filled with more tenderness – the cycle of life, wheeling all of us towards the last note of our song. Making peace with death is making way for life. I wish I learned this trick earlier. I am living, really living. I have a taste of the vast consciousness the enlightened masters talk about. I look at the people walking towards me with tenderness. I look at the arguing neighbors with tenderness. Oh – to be alive! Maybe this is THE trick I could teach my children. I want clingy and gentle and kind and sweet and funny children. And my parents would be great grandparents. Ah! There you have me, my endless human desires!
I am writing to you on a moving train. It is 11:40pm where I am. I will be seeing my dear uncle in person soon. I am so grateful. May Love grow roots in your heart. May you water the Love often. May you know the best that Love has to offer.
Good night.
Xiaoyu,
