Hi friends,
It is letter time. This Love business will have me busy all my life. I think it is quite a good way to live.
Love is a verb, so let’s match our actions with our intention. How do you show love to others? How do you wish others to love you?
Everyday, we have the chance to choose love. Let us.
X.Y. Zheng
Letter No. 21
J,
Today, I noticed that I enjoy writing to you more than working on my project. I am not surprised. I love you. All I want to do is to spend time with you. Our impossible situation makes me long to create an alternative universe for us. I don’t love you less because you are dead. Our love feels ever more present to me, and in me. I am writing to keep you close. The act gives me strength and clarity.
Congratulations Mr. Brain Scientist! You’ve become my diary. I am sharing my deep, dark secrets with you. You are in for a treat.
I have been interviewing people who have challenges hearing. One of them joked about how she enjoys being deaf because it brings her closer to her truth and peace. She enjoys observing people. She sees the clear contradiction from someone’s actions and their words. She has a clearer picture of what someone’s priority is. Actions speak louder, she says. She thinks that too much talking dulls the spirit and breeds a lazy mind. I asked her to tell me something that she observed in me. She looked at me, mouth slightly open and smiled. She didn’t say anything to me and offered me a hug. I received it. Isn’t she a good reader?
Speaking of reading, I am spending time with Hilary Mantel’s work. Just wow. How does she do it? That’s the only question I have. How the hell does she do it?! I wish you were here reading next to me. I would put my ice cold feet on your skin. I would stare at you and think to myself – how lucky I am to be loved by you. I would press my nose against your shoulder and take in your signature scent. The fact that I couldn’t hold your hands used to bring me great sadness. As I am sitting here at the dining table, writing, I am filled with gratitude: how lucky were we to have each other in the way we did, to love each other in such a deep and gentle way that strengthened and nourished both of us. In the depth of my grief, I couldn’t imagine feeling your love this alive in me. The human heart is designed to love. I get it now.
With your blessing, I am going to dream, cry, fight, laugh, feel, love and suffer. I am going to hold onto my passions. I am going to live. You are my great ache, my reminder of how fragile and beautiful life is. I miss you my dear, every moment I breathe, I breathe you. I promise I will keep walking. Continue to love me with your excessive gentleness, will you?
All my love,
H
I breathe a sigh of contentment every time I read one of your letters. I know that it’s you writing them, yet still I am transported into a small apartment where J is writing. I can see the subtle and perhaps sorrowful, yearning smile on her face as she pens this letter. Your writing is beautiful. It reminds me of a simpler, more quiet time. It reminds me of love, gratitude and desire. My husband is away right now on an extended business trip and we have been sending each other handwritten love letters, inspired by your project. I received one today and I was surrounded with love. Thank you for your artistry.
My dear friend, thank you for reading. Oh, what a joy that you and your husband started to share and remember your love with handwritten love letters! How special 🙂 Thank you for sharing your love with me. I feel surround by it.
This mutual love we share for words, pen and paper, for love and friendship, for the truth within, makes me feel closer to you. I look forward to when we embrace. I see you my beautiful friend. I hope you reunite with your husband soon. Sending you love from winter wonderland 🙂