Dear readers,
December is here. Promptly, the first snow of the year visited.
There is a dead silence in the air. “Flurry” prompted my brain. Then “white”. With my morning coffee in hand, I smiled, staring at the snow. I read somewhere, the physical act of smiling makes your brain produce happy chemicals. Smile.
I love summer. I promised that I will repeat this statement. But, right now, with no lake effect and hair pulling wind, it is pleasant to look at the snow quietly falling. No one has come out with shovels. No cars on the street. Untouched piles of snow, like a blank page, sings back at the dead silence. My soul is happy to see and hear this view.
I felt unorganized and distracted throughout November. Looking at my habit tracker, my actions tell a different story. This is why I believe having solid data to work with is important. It gives me something that I cannot argue with. I did okay in November.
When I read my journal entries, I can see why I felt unorganized and distracted. I want to insert some control over my life and have a sense that I am progressing. This is a normal human desire. It is difficult to experience a sense of accomplishment or feel hopeful when each day looks and feels the same. After eight months of spending so much time alone, I miss physical touch, skin-to-skin human touch. The reality asks me to wait.
I want to remain reasonably hopeful though. A functioning vaccine will come. Think of this time as an ultramarathon training session. We are put in a situation where we need to adjust not only our expectations, but our behaviors regularly. This means we need at least one thing, one routine to anchor us. Our sanity needs something to hold onto. I didn’t have a routine for November. This explains why I felt unorganized.
For December, I’d like to get back to a rhythm of having a daily and weekly routine. Simple routines like putting things away after dinner and showering before bed; writing down one thing I am grateful for during the day; breaking a sweat daily;eating fresh veggies and fruits. I am going to plan out my habit tracker right after this post. Let me know if you want to see a sample. It is a system I tailored for myself based on the book Atomic Habit.
As for reading, I read one novel in November called The Silent Patient. It is a quick read. The perfect book to get me back into novel reading. There are so many books I want to read. I am asking myself to focus on the action of reading instead of the action of adding books to my list. Right now, I am reading To Be A Man by Nicole Krauss. I am fascinated by her brain and her consciousness.
Writing wise, I have challenged myself to generate short story ideas through writing less than 300-word stories for November. In December, I am focusing on finishing my long short story that I have postponed for two months. I would also like to review what I have written this year and pull out words that I am happy with.
Instead of learning another language, I am going all in with English and music. I am noticing the urge to compose and I shall honor it.
A parting Christmas gift, what do you want? Not what you should want, what you want. I find it difficult to be honest with myself so I ask this question over and over until I let myself blurt out what I want.
I want…
I want…
I want…
I want…
I want…
I want…
I especially want…
I hope we both work on something that impresses ourselves. See you in 2021.
Love,
Xiaoyu
