Dear readers,
What has shifted in your world? Feeling hopeful, anxious, terrified and ambivalent?
I have not been well enough to write. Or perhaps I wasn’t writing much so I wasn’t well. I had too much to say. Too many entangled emotions to pour out. I am slowly processing them. I am sure you can relate.
I feel burnt out by the pandemic. My body and spirit are tired. I want to see my family and spend time with them. I am longing for international travel to open. Perhaps the vaccine will help. I know mentally, it can be a boost for hope and safety.
When I read about the shooting in Georgia, I felt pain. Then more attacks happened to people who look like me and they are still happening. I am angry and sad. I feel grief and anxiety. Race has been used to stir up hatred and war. I am sad that we are failing to create a safe environment for people of all colors to co-exist and live together. I am sad that people fail to recognize our shared humanity. I am appalled by the racial gas lighting. I am angry at how shootings keep happening and nothing has been done in the U.S.
I am even more angry that the U.S. government cannot get its act together to make people’s life better within the U.S.; rather the U.S. government is spending significant amount of energy and money on policing how other countries should run their own show. Democracy is used as a weapon to push propaganda and harboring hatred and imagined enemies to control votes from the U.S. citizens and control foreign allies. U.S. is an international bully. I call bullshit on U.S.’s version of democracy. It is much better off to admit that: Yes, I want to keep my #1 spot. Yes, I am scared and feel threatened. Yes, I want to keep my power and enjoy the benefit of dumping garbage in other parts of the world while maintaining the moral high ground of “I am doing it to help their economy”. Nothing more distasteful than hypocrisy. Global warming is slapping U.S.’s plan right in the face. We are in this together, big bro. No escapism this time.
Amidst all the chaos, there is still reason for hope. Life needs to go on. Connection with our friends and community help us keep going. Racial injustice and basic human rights are worth fighting for. If you can imagine the horror of losing your loved ones out of the blue due to acts of random violence, I hope you stand with all of us. Start small. Call your friends who are Asian. Let them know you are thinking of them and you care. Let them know you are not sure how to approach this topic. Tell them you feel uncomfortable and awkward approaching it but are here for them. Ask questions to understand what it’s like to be Asian in America. You will be surprised by how the tiniest things like going shopping or waiting in the line to board a plane would be a different experience when you are white. Inquiries as such help us connect and understand each other’s realities. We can be living in the same country but have drastically different realities. It takes courage and compassion to see the world from someone else’s point of view. I hope you are willing.
Spring has come. I am excited to see sunshine. No exciting plans for April. I might be moving. I definitely need to complete my taxes and other administrative tasks. A friend of mine is getting married this Saturday. Zoom wedding!
Back in March, I started learning more about behavior design through B.J. Fogg’s Tiny Habit Academy. I enjoy having all the pieces connected together to design effective behaviors. I will start training people soon. Try out the 5-day free program offered by B.J. if you are curious.
Everyday is truly a gift. I hope we remember that. See you soon friends.
Take good care,
Xiaoyu
