What to do when you can’t fall asleep? You lay awake and determined to transform yourself to someone who loves to cook – at 1am on a Thursday night. Surely, when you find the right chef to follow and read upon, you will fall in love with the dicing, stirring and sauteing. You start your search.
First result points you to NYTimes Cooking, you scroll through the contents and find the recipes requiring a giant shopping trip for new kitchen gadgets. You are not going to maintain all that crap. You move on to the next result, which takes you to Bon Appetit. Entertaining content. You will read the writing about food culture. You will not cook any of the dishes. These people already love to cook.
By now, your mind is forgetting what you are after. You thought about the YouTube series from the Bon Appetit test kitchen. The one that got you through the early pandemic. Where are those people now? You start a new google search. Thirty minutes later, you are pleased to find out all of them are doing well and cooking. Many wrote cook books – books you will not buy.
You change strategy. You search “I hate cooking”. You see simple and easy recipes for people who hate cooking. Recipes under 15 minutes. You feel misunderstood. You did type I hate cooking. Eight results later, you found an article telling you meal replacement options. Okay. You feel heard and validated. Will you actually just drink your meal? You don’t hate eating as much as you hate cooking.
By now, you feel great envy for those who have a passion for cooking. They seem like such happy and joyful people who are able to enjoy life to the fullest- whatever that means. You have an epiphany at 3 am that all you want is the experience of a joyful person ALL THE TIME. You know that’s not possible. You return to reality. You have to work tomorrow. You need to get some rest.
This is when you start arguing with yourself. How am I going to sleep knowing what’s happening in the world?! Why is anyone sleeping? The earth is on fire. Voting rights are being taken away. Gun violence. The war. Inflation. How are we continuing on as if everything is okay? Calm down. Calm down. You need to calm down. You know where this train of thought will lead. Let’s watch some cute animal videos instead. Those always make you feel better.
Within minutes, you are in furry cuteness land. Bunnies eating strawberries. Cats jumping into paper bags. Turtles getting a workout. Dogs hopping around like bunnies. See. Life is good. Now, go to sleep. You are okay the way you are. You can hate cooking. And you will experience joy and sorrow. Now, please go to sleep.
P.S. phone + internet addiction is real. I am finding workable ways to help myself disconnect. If you have tips, please share. Thank you!
