Depression Toolkit

Let’s talk about it! I live with my depression and accept that I need to work a bit harder to feel like myself. Maybe you have depression too. It is okay. There are millions of people walking along with us. With the right professional help and proactive self care, we are capable of building a life filled with meaning and joy.

Put this number on your speed dial if you are in the US: 800-273-8255. When you are thinking about suicide, dial the number.

Comparing my life with others’ makes me more depressed, so I don’t do that. I focus on a solid plan to help myself. I have a toolkit at my disposal. I suggest you assemble one for yourself.

I am not a licensed mental health professional. Think of me as a caring friend that feels similar dark emotions you feel. The tools are helping me and I hope it would help you in some small way.

What’s in my toolkit:

I accept myself and I wait.

I have been living with depression for 15 years, denying its presence in my life is dishonest and exhausting, so I stopped. That’s when I started to get better. I try to be a compassionate witness to my experience. I accept that when my head decides to go on fire, I just need to let the fire burn its way through. I don’t know when I will feel better and whether I will ever feel better. I lay still and feel the depth of my despair. I watch the same show in my head on loop: “I don’t want to feel like this. I want to die. Make it stop. Please. Please take this away. I can’t live like this. There is no point to life. Chop my head off. Why? Why does it hurt so bad? Make it stop please. When is it going to end? I want to die. I’d rather die. What happens to mom when I die? I can’t die. But I want to die. I can’t take it any longer. Stop this please. Make it stop!” I don’t do anything else other than lay there and watch my head burning. It is by far the most effective tool when I experience a heavy onsite episode. It is painfully simple, I wait. When my head is done burning, I sit up and move on with life.

Tell someone how I feel using colors.

I use color to describe how I am feeling to friends and family. I will say: “I am feeling dark grey today.” Dark grey is better than solid black. I feel lighter and more playful when using colors than words like “depressed” or “down”. Colors also give others a chance to relate. Even if they are color blind.

I let go of shame and ask for help.

I take care of myself as if I were a 3 -year-old child. A 3-year-old is not going to be ashamed of needing help. It cannot survive without outside help. I call a mental health professional. I set up an appointment. I force myself to go. When I physically can’t leave my bed or my house, I utilize online therapy. I evaluate my condition and assess the mix of treatment I need with the help of trusted medical professionals. By taking care of myself to my best ability, I am voting with my own action that I care and love myself. That’s badass.

I build structure and consistency around my life.

Structure saved my life. Wake up with decisions already made. Work. Exercise. Something that forces me to fill the unstructured space, get out of bed and be around other people. It seems impossible to do the thing 95% of the time. I do it anyway. I try not to let my depression-clouded brain decide what to do, because I know I cannot trust my brain when I am depressed. I move my body from one place to another. I commit to doing the thing. Over time, I feel better thanks to the structure and consistency in place.

I make my bed.

I made this simple commitment to myself everyday. I start my day with making my bed. It forces me to get out of bed. I repeat it again and again. I missed many days when I first started trying. I forgive myself and get back to it the next day. Overtime, I see the magic. 

I break a sweat everyday.

Breaking a sweat is the most effective tool to experience a brief moment of relief. I move my body around everyday. I go to yoga classes. I jump up and down. I go running outside. I have solo dance parties. I force myself out of my head and into my body. Physical exercise is one sure thing that makes me feel better. I do it everyday, for my burning brain and spirit. 

I create.  

I use this dark and complex emotion to create. I try to get it out of me. This usually works well when I notice myself coming out of an episode. I write, paint, make mugs. I dance, sing, play my keyboards. I am constantly finding additional outlets to express the dark emotions fully and freely.

Other things that help.

Drink water. Eat my vegetables. Take fish oil supplements. Hug a loved one. Hear my friends’ voice. Play with dogs. Meditate.  

I am walking with you. Life is not half bad. Wonderful surprises and limitless possibilities are around the corner. Aren’t you just a tiny bit curious to find out what will happen? Let life take you.