Hi friends,
How was your weekend? How’s the weather where you are? Is Spring trying to arrive and not successful? I regret leaving my winter jacket behind. I was confident and hopeful. Being hopeful is human. I like that about us.
I went on dates. One of them left me with a boatload of grief and sadness. I like this person. Well-rounded. Smart. Intune with themselves. Reasonably kind. Good at communicating boundaries. When we exchanged stories about childhood, my heart sunk. His mother was sick and passed away when he’s fourteen. His family life was filled with pain and trauma from that point on. My body went heavy and sleepy. The ocean of sadness submerged me. I couldn’t recall what I said. It doesn’t matter what I say. Nothing I do will change what happened. Life can be brutal like that sometimes. How does one make sense of it all at that age? How does one make sense of it ever?
This is one example of how deeply I feel. I am learning to discern what’s mine to feel. But aren’t we all connected? This is why people like me survived for as long as we did? No? We are here to feel it all and metabolism that into wisdom, art and medicine? No? I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know what to think. Today is one of the days where I hope I could turn down the volume of my sensitivity. I have work to do. I need to freeze all the feelings in my body to process later.
I need emotional support animals – the most codependent, loving, and clingy dogs out there. There is no love as warm as a dog’s love. I need that warmth right now – woof.
Go hug a dog today. It will help you believe in magic and in us and continue on this painful and beautiful journey.
Love,
Xiaoyu
