Hi friends,
Are you staying hydrated? I am writing to you in my couch that’s soon to be picked up. I am selling most of my stuff. Adventure awaits.
Excitement is the normal and expected emotion. I do feel excited but not full of anticipation and anxiety. I don’t know how this trip will play out. And I know it won’t be dull.
I enjoy this luxury of figuring one day out at a time without being buried in anxiety. This is maybe what presence is all about. I am IN my body instead of floating two inches above it. I feel safe and regulated. It is refreshing. I have my therapists to thank for the work we do together. I also have myself to thank for trying and not giving up.
I am learning more about non-monogamy. It challenges many of the cultural narratives and assumptions I grew up with. What I have been thinking about is an anchor for myself. The reason why I want to explore open relationships. Part of the reason is curiosity. I’d like to see what relationship and intimacy I can create with loving, kind, safe and warm people, also a whole of presence.
I want to talk about belonging with you today. What does it mean to you?
For me, it means that I am a part of someone’s life and my disappearance and death will leave a hole in their life. I will be missed. And I bring something to their life that’s irreplaceable, uniquely me. And they actively choose me to be a part of their life.There is emotional intimacy and safety in belonging. Does that resonate with you? What does your belonging feel like?
The more I explore in different areas of life, the more I realize that many things in life is up to us to create. I play a huge part in designing my life. I don’t want to forfeit that freedom and responsibility.And it is a great place to put my imagination to use.
For me, relationships are important. I’d rather have great friends than fancy watches. I love devoting energy and time to nurture meaningful relationships. How about you? Where do you naturally pour your energy and time into? Is it money? Is it your physical health? The answer to this question reveals what you value.
I will write more next week. Time to sell my couch. Hope you are taking great care of yourself.
May you feel chosen and seen,
Xiaoyu
