I’ve been living a goalless life. This is not my preferred way of being and I am not yet ready to rule it out completely. It is about exploration and growth, though it doesn’t feel like growth at the moment. It feels more like floating in a river and letting the direction of the water decide where I will go. Parts of me feel this is mad, stupid and wasteful. Parts of me appreciate the deep wisdom of letting go and the joy of being in the present. This experience clarifies aspects of me that makes me ME: I love exploration; I am a slow and deep thinker; the ability to choose for myself (empowerment) is crucial for my overall well being.
A direct result from my goalless exploration is increased consumption of entertainment that I would normally rule out. I watched a Chinese TV series called Till The End of The Moon. It feels like a mixture of Game of Thrones, romantic comedy and marvel superhero movies (I know! It is wild). It is a beautiful show filled with elements of surprise, good looking people and careful post production. It tells a story of love and redemption (a cliche?), between a goddess and a devil. And I was entertained.
I watched the devil fight to write his own story. He didn’t want to become the fated Devil God. He learned to love and to care for others. I realized that it is a deeply human story! Despite our guaranteed demise, we fight to create, to love, to laugh and to care for each other. We battle with evil forces in the world. We battle with evil forces within ourselves. We need hope because of how insignificant and significant we are.
I think about the type of narrative I want to solidify over my lifetime. I want to know I tried my best to make personal choices that’s honest and loving. I want to know that I explored to my best ability. I don’t want to impose limitations for myself based on what I know. I want regrets that’s not dominated by the lack of courage or effort.
That my friend, is what I call clarity, gained through watching a TV show I would not normally choose! Life is interesting that way. I can see why we want to live forever – there are limitless ways of being and we want to try them all. How about you? Have you had any helpful surprises lately?
