My generational trauma work has led me to discuss my lineage with my parents. Some things get revealed. My ancestors are Huns. They were nomadic warriors and great horsemen. According to history, they were ruthless and terrorized Europe and the Roman Empire in the 4th and 5th centuries A.D.
First, I am surprised that my parents know all this and have never shared it with me. My dad thought this piece of knowledge wasn’t important!
Second, this explains why I love being on the move and how little interest I have at being a domestic pro.
Third, I want to explain away my commitment issue with my lineage. I long for secure attachment and intimacy. I also freak out when someone gets too close. I know it’s human to feel this way. I know some people bring out the best in me. All of them my friends. Perhaps, that’s enough. Romance, to me, is like high heels I don’t wear, beautifully uncomfortable and alluring. My view may change with the “right” person. I don’t want to dwell too much on romance right now.
Instead, I have been thinking a lot about human migration. We have been moving around since the beginning of human civilization, despite harsh realities against such migration. Humans did it anyway. Humans are doing it now. Humans will be migrating!
I think about how many generations it took for me to get here. I am so lucky that my ancestors survived and procreated! I think about how long it took us to get to a relatively peaceful world, though wars are still happening. I think about our chances against the vast universe. I am moved by human commitments to create, to start projects that take a lifetime, projects that take multiple generations. I think about the courage to choose freedom, to never surrender the most beautiful parts of the human spirit, and to pass it on.
I realize that I am the product of conscious and unconscious choices made by my ancestors. I realize I am an active participant of history. My choices and my actions matter. I am a part of this wheel of life. Holy smokes. I understand what my meditation teacher was saying when she said, take your seat. Uneasy. I am ready to sit down at the table and join our family – the human race.
And I want to be as real as I Am. I am not sure what the whole picture will look like. Frankly, no single person can. But being me is inevitable. I am already here. And I am a small part of the magic called Love. I am ready to take this commitment seriously. What I mean is that I will choose Love in small and big moments. I am taking my seat. Join me.
