My lovely human friends,
The sun decided to come out today. I cannot hold back tears and this deep well of loving joy so I am here trying my best to capture it.
This is what has happened:
- After years of hard work, I noticed a shift in my relationship with my dad. We are able to have conversations small and large. It is important to me that we have a deep and meaningful relationship. I love him. Many of my cherished childhood memories come from spending time with my dad. He is sharp, loving, honest and fun. I am meeting him and getting to know him as a new friend. It is a rewarding experience that takes conscious effort every day.
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I have found my people. People who share similar values through a creative workshop – the creative, kind, curious, loving, honest, brave, honorable, and caring bunch. Each and every one of them makes me feel happy that I didn’t close up my heart nor stopped looking. I have found them. I have found them. I have found them. It feels like homecoming. Cue the tears because I have looked and looked. I was hurt and I felt cold, bitter, lonely and misunderstood beyond hope, until I found them. I’ve found them. I love my creative friends. They make me feel so happy to be alive. I feel stronger. And I want to be stronger because of their presence in my life. They help me believe in my ability to contribute. My heart warms at the thought of their faces and their words. We are not alone. I am not alone. And we are stronger together. And we belong to each other.
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Gray, the climber that I want to climb next to all of the time. Gray is a 5 years old boy with shiny blonde hair and a pair of big and kind eyes. To me, he represents what’s good and pure in the world and in my heart. He comes to the climbing gym with his family every Friday and Saturday. Gray is a brave and persistent climber. He loves cheering other people on – his brothers, his dad, me… He says: “You can do it. Try this left hold. Can you try…?” He is so polite, patient and considerate for his age. He gives me a hug and says goodbye every time. He hugs in a way that brings me to tears – he let’s all of his body sink into mine and rest his chin on my shoulder for a good minute. I feel so held by his soft fragility and kindness. I want to be as loving and generous as Gray is. I want to be strong enough to protect this loving and generous spirit of his/mine.
Thank you to my friends – Eric, Kathy, Catherine, Pegs, Kevin, Tania, Marlane… Many more of you near and afar. I love you. You are the reason why I write. You are my inspiration.
Parting wisdom:
The key to true love and belonging is to choose to love ourselves first and give the best love we are capable of to other people. Our actions have larger impact than we could imagine. Choose kindness. Choose Kindness. Choose Kindness. Every time.
Your real human friend,
X.Y.Zheng
