Since there is so much noise out in the world, and I enjoy silence and presence, so unless something is wrong or I could truly add value to a conversation, I don’t like to speak.
My best thinking happens in writing, not speaking. I don’t know what I think about something until I start writing and rewriting about it.
This using my voice thing has somehow progressed naturally overtime and now I find myself saying something and writing something honest about being human, love and death, intimacy and connection. And a small group of people seem to want to hear from me and find value in what I have to say. For that, I am grateful.
However, I find having people pay close attention to what I have to say a bit stressful and frankly daunting for my existence. I enjoy writing but writing as a career demands more mental muscles (which one can develop at a cost). You can’t write and don’t talk about what you write. You can’t hide behind your words. And rejections abound. The sensitivity that makes your writing great would not be so great for dealing with critics, agents and publishers. People want to know where you get your inspirations, your creative process and what your life is like. People have opinions about you, your writing and what you wear. People demand you to package yourself up and tie a bow at the top. You will need to sell books. Books are great, and if I were to sell anything, it would be books.
(Would people buy my books? Perhaps I should finish writing one first before I ask that question. Book writing can be torturous and fun. I can’t predict which experience awaits.)
With full honesty, I don’t know where I get my inspiration. They visit, like loud and uninvited guests to an intimate wedding, demanding an unreasonable amount of attention and energy. I have a life! I learned to surrender to the guests and do my best to entertain them. Sometimes, I write because I have to. I’ve accepted this reality. So, I might as well write something good, for me and for you. Our attention is so valuable and precious. We deserve to eat good writing.
Back to my voice, my writing voice, my speaking voice, what is it? How could I describe it? How would you describe your voice? What adjectives would you use?
I don’t have a clear answer yet. My voice likes to ask questions and change. What does my writing voice remind you of? Who does it remind you of? What type of music does it remind you of? What about food? Colors? Scent? Texture? Would you let me know? It would be helpful and fun.
The good thing is that I am here writing. Perhaps it is always way more important to use my voice instead of thinking about how to describe my voice. But I am a writer, I describe things! Oh my friends, do you see the beast that I am working with daily? I am after precision and connection after all. My head and my heart need to have a long talk. What do we want? Thanks for reading. I will be here, writing.
I send you – my ever changing voice. Bah. La. Bah. La. Lu. La. La.
