Hi friends,
How’s your 2022 so far? I keep dating my journal in 2020. Subconscious is revealing the truth.
I had a nice conversation with Terry, who works at the local grocery store. He looked kind with a soft smile in his eyes. I asked him what he likes to do after work. He shared that he needs to care for his baby, and he is trying to find time to play and write music. He is reading books that helped him realizing the importance of a daily practice.
I agree with Terry. A daily ritual generates a kind of magic that takes over the creative process. It does not remove the challenges along the way, but you get stronger.
I have been in a workshop with some wonderful and creative people since October last year. It is a great learning experience, not so much for my creative practice, but for developing relationships with other human beings. We are complicated and simple creatures. We give and we take. We organize ourselves by our needs and interests. What we want is for others to see and accept us. We want secure and safe connections where we know how to find each other again and again. But we get in our own ways. Our past influences our present experience and how we act.
I have not been a group person. The drama and power dynamics make me feel heavy and burdened. And I am a writer. Groups are not going to improve my writing – writing will. I know that. But I ventured to create my own little group within the workshop because there are some amazing people that I adore and respect. I wanted to create a safe space for genuine connections and friendship that goes deeper. And I am learning that anything I create ends up taking on a life of its own. I am open to evolve and to learn next to it. And I am sure I will make mistakes along the way and I want to share them with you so you can learn with me and avoid some of the mistakes.
I am learning to lead and balancing it with other commitments and regular life. To keep things manageable, I have had to say No to wonderful people. That’s not a good feeling. One person in particular, I adore him. I don’t know how he interprets the “No” and what story he is making up in his head. But the No is not about him. Still, I feel terrible about saying no to him. It takes courage and vulnerability to ask.
This experience is also giving me a fresh perspective on how I can better interpret rejections in the future. It is easy to make rejections personal, sometimes they feel extra personal because of our past, but in reality, many variables are at play and the “No” just means it is not a good fit. It is not personal, not about you, not against you. Please remind me of this often when I forget. Life throws big and small rejections at us all the time. I hope we remember to keep trying despite the rejections. They are not personal.
One thing I learned about leading a small group is that communication (listening needs to be more than 50% of the equation) is crucial. Being able to be vulnerable and share my thoughts with the group has helped me to see when I care about other people first, they care about the group and me and each other, and as a result, we are naturally expanding because we feel safe with each other and we are able to dive deeper. My job is to create and continue to shape a safe container for people to build trust and show up with their vulnerability. It is about creating safe and secure connections with one another and checking in regularly. It comes down to care and love.
I asked myself this morning: when do I know it is time to let go of the group. The answer I have now is that: when our common interests no longer support the type of people we are evolving into, it is time to let go. I want to live with my palms open.
I hope you find something useful for you in this Sunday ramble. Wherever you are, I wish you go towards people who make you feel warm, safe and loved.
Bye friends,
X. Y. Zheng
